I've got the sun in my eyes

Ramblings

Love Hurts

Somethings puzzling me. Of late, I’ve been having drinking binge which ends me up crying in the night. Most of the time, I do not remember the episode but the swollen eyes in the mornings tells. I asked me, am I unhappy?

The thing is I do not think so. Things are going pretty well for me so far. It had been difficult and at many times, it seemed impossible and endless BUT I’ve managed somehow to put my life back in order. Almost, at least. My apartment is still very empty. I’ve got tonnes of official letters and documents in languages that I need to decipher which is quite a pain indeed. Otherwise, I am enjoying my hours searching thru the many stores in Brussels for the right furnitures. And also loving living in Brussels. The summer drinks. The nights out. The people. I think I am coping quite well.

But pondering upon myself deeper, I guess, somehow, somewhere, it still hurt a lot. Everything I had came for initially just dispersed like a dream. Into nothingness. It was not a long time ago, I remembered myself full of love, my face radiant with happiness and enthusiatically looking forward to living my life with the one. Feeling like I was the luckiest girl on earth. I gave everything of me. And in everything eventually I found there was nothing. I guess that’s the part that hurt the most.

Sometimes I do ask myself, what could I have done to make that life perfect? Could it had been different? Then I tell myself, this is life. Another chapter close. A new one to start. There is no point pondering in the past and all the what-ifs in life.

Like in every relationship that comes to a closing, I don’t believe in finding blame on one another. There may be things that both of us has done wrong and also right. Life is about choices. We once choosed to be together, it didnt worked out and now we choose to continue our life paths going in separate ways. Being together didnt bring out the best in us.

But the hurting part is, it was over so easily and there is no longer signs of the love or care for one another. Is falling out of love as easy as for one to fall in love? Was it love at all? Everything we had before seems so superficial now. Was it just a conditional love? Are all these pain due to my little hurt ego or a broken heart? Did we try hard enough? So many unanswered questions. But they are no longer important. All I need is time to heal. Forgive and forget.

As time goes by, one relationship after another, I learn the tricks of love. The key is unconditional loving. That is how it should be.

But easier said than done. I guess we often try to protect ourselves from hurt. And especially for me now after a fresh break up, I know with the next man I meet I will have the tendency to subconciously love carefully, not love unconditionally. Alas, at least I am aware of it, I could do my best to do it right.

Somethings I just can’t talk about, only to write it out.

So baby, please be patient with me.

4 thoughts on “Love Hurts
  • sooiping says:

    It’s ok to feel hurt, dear. And yes, time will heal the broken heart. But in the meantime, enjoy being comforted and wetting everyone’s shoulder! Only from unconditional love that you can find the one true love. So don’t stop loving and being loved. It’s in you and nobody can ever take that away from you. I’m no love expert but I wish you the very best!

  • sooiping says:

    Btw, stop damaging your liver over that guy k…

  • sooiping says:

    rephrase: super, idiot guy

  • bamboo says:

    Remember no one can hurt you unless you give them permission to do so.

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