I've got the sun in my eyes

Ramblings

Finding Me in Bahamas

Been going thru some big upheave in my life lately so I’ve decided to take a break from it all and come to this paradise island where I hope to find that glow in me which has gone missing. Its not more to see this beautiful paradise (I do hope to come back someday again to discover it properly) but more to just spend time alone with me. Sorting out my thoughts. Clearing up my mind.

Initially, I wanted to do many things – diving, swimming with the dolphins, shopping etc etc. Then I changed my mind. Too rushing. Too stressful. (Also, for other physical reasons. Ha, talk about bad timing!)

So, I started off the weekend with me by grabbing lotsa magazines and a big pack of sour Maynards which I absolutely love though they usually stick all over my teeth but heck, who is watching! I got myself a Cosmo, Glamour (seriously, need to re-engineer myself), Elle Decoration (finding ideas for my new apartment) and Practical Photography (with lotsa practical tips to take potrait shots – who wanna be my model?) LOL.

Did a lot of reflections on the way here (9 hours on air – whadya think!). Though I am going thru a very difficult moments now, I begin to see the picture clearer and really, there is no one to be blame at all for these moments. I’ve been through countless of challenging times in my life, and at the point when its all overcome and one could look back, I am always thankful for having gone thru it, survived and learned. Experiences shapes us. So this is just another phase in life. People who are involved are in fact just instrumental, like I am too, in their lives.

But of course, I am just human. I get swayed. I have emotions – dissapointment, anger, sadness and do fall into that dark pit occasionally where I find all reasons to the blame my environment for whatever that is happening. I think what is most important in these moments is to be able to climb out of the pit, shake it all away, refect & learn and keep walking on, instead of going back to the blamed penetrator, wanting to punish or to bring justice, justice in the sense that I myself perceive.

So, finally, I find peace within myself. I see the light of things, accepting them and wanting most now is to heal me. To find the glow within me again. The glow that I believe once brought many happiness to people around me. And hence will bring many invalueable benefits to my own life. (When we are happy, we are just able to do everything well – being healthy, connecting with people, making real friends, doing well in work, finding fulfillment etc etc)

I believed this whole episode changed me in certain ways. I realised that I’ve been so needy and dependent, among other things. Though I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to be oneself, as long as we are not out to harm another. But sometimes, I do get carried away…

I also realised how important it is to have a mirror in our lives, to be able to see things in the right perspectives again. I think we have the tendency of diggin oneself futher deeper into the whole when we are in it. Definately, bitching about it is  definately not the way to get out of the dump. That I have learnt hard. But I am lucky. Lucky to have a good guiding light in my life. One that I could always rely on to bring me back to the right path. That is the core of my life.

I believe the importance having a greater goal in life. One that is bigger than our lives. One which we can find real happiness in.

But for now, the healing process will start with me. Already, I have enthusiastically (as usual, Ms Teh syndrome) 101 things I would like to embark on, to try out, to find fulfillment, to achieve and all-in-all to get back my jest for life!

Actually, its simple la – just really make an effort to take the time to do the things that I really want to.

There, I am back to being me.

A NATO (No action, Talk only)

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