Posts from — April 2007

This sight was rather ridiculous but I found it amusing as well. Only in Brussels, right at the doorstep of my office

I’ve been trying to learn about myself. To discover. To ponder deeper. To reflect.

All in the effort and will to live a free live. To live a life free from perceptions, expectations, cultural or just rules governing the society. (I am not so good in expressing myself in words but I am sure you get what I mean)

I want to live like I want to.

I want to eat what I like, when I like. Instead of depending on where my colleagues would like to go for lunch today.

I want to read under the sun back at the balcony. Instead of worrying what neighbours might say.

I dress in big red as I feel like. Instead of worrying I might be laughed at for looking like a clown.

I dance to the beat like no ones watching me. Instead of worrying that I look like a jumping lunatic.

I want sing to the world. And I will sing it eventhough it may sound bad. (Reaaally bad!!!)

I call a friend when I feel like. Instead of worrying that she might feel like talking to me.

I take an ice cream while walking at the park. Instead of worrying about my extras. (Am strong believer in exercising)

I say sorry I am not up to party tonite cuz I am tired. Instead of draggin my feet there just for the sake of going.

But its certainly not something easy. It is difficult not because others is stopping me but my deepest self. Yes, the inner voice. Sometimes the voice is unsure, sometimes the voice hesitate, sometimes the voice shy away.

It is all about the way of living. And its a life long learning experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not into criminology nor terrorism Nor is it about living a life discarding responsibilities.

I can’t wait till I am there! I can imagine the exhilaration of living which is already pulsating in me while I am learning this skill of ‘free living’.

Last night, I watched my very first basketball match.

It was qualifying match for Belgium National League, a game between Roya Atomia Brussels vs Spirou Basket Charleroi.

Though, I didn’t know either of both the teams, it was very fast that I got all hyped up, excited and screaming my head off. Hehe. Though there was no cute players to feast my eyes on

The crazy supporters throwing toilet paper rolls. Even equipped with their own drummers.

Although my stomach got better of me and we left to eat wanton noodles soup after half-time… hehehe, I learnt a lot about basketball this night!!!

I thought I knew about it all already (since I used to play ‘bola jaring’) but I just found I know nuts!

Its Spring!

It was a beautiful day. Blue blue sky with shiny sun. The temperature was at about 28 degree. So I packed in some food, fruits and drinks into the ice box and we went lazing about by a lake.

Pretty ain’t they, these tiny little wild flowers!

Pink flowers, almost ‘cheery blossom’ lookalike blooming everywhere! I don’t know what is the name for these flowers though. There are also white ones which are really really lovely too.

All the trees sprouted new young leaves which has very light greenish colour. This gives the entire landscape a very lively and energised feel.

All these beauty in the world makes me happy!

Psst, though I wouldn’t say this hot weather is too normal for Spring time. I do worry for our earth is indeed ill seeing all the odd weather changes around.

Well, if you would have asked me, how has it been lately? I would say, I wish it could have been better. Past weeks has been terrible. And it keeps going etc etc etc.

Perhaps, it is the expectations I started to build on people around me?

I am still pondering about it, why and how do I let this phase pass me by.

It could be due to the fatigue from travelling, or my missing of meds.

I feel very so alone in this world. It is not about loneliness. But I just felt INSIGNIFICANT.

This evening I was sitting in the Waterloo station. A Burger King Whopper in hand. 100 people passing by per min. But I am just invisible. I just watched them. One by one.

A pregnant lady with a beaming face stroking her tummy as she chats her way. A little girl in pink dress, white knee high sock and pink shoes hopping by. A man in suit with a frown, thinking. A girl in filmsy white spagettin boobing away. A man with curly hair watching her boobs. Ladies in groups chatting aloud.

And they just kept passing by. Each in their own lives. Own worlds.

I took the train back to Brussels. I took the taxi back to home. I laid on my bed. Alone.

My phone didnt even beeped for once.

Am I slowly slipping away from this universe?