This morning I felt so down. I had a sleepless night and was in the office by 9am. Went for breakfast with the team, little noodle ate, few words exchanged. Mr S called me shortly afterthat for coffee. Little chats here and there. Spoke a lengthy call with Ms P though.

During lunch, I had to go home to pay the nice lady who helps to clean my place.

As I walked home, the sun was shinning so brightly that its impossible to stay in my dark dark gloomy world. The world just shone before my very eyes. The sun is indeed therapuetical.

Gave her daughters my old handbags and some dresses that I have out grown of. She’s so delighted! And that brings a smile to me face.

Read the papers as I rested waiting for her in my room.
It just struck me hard – I should NOT be in the glum when the sun is shining, I have a good job and safe from any natural disasters. More than 30 000 people believed to have suffered and perished from the 7.6-magnitude earthquake in Pakistan last Saturday.

Man, it just struck me out of my daziness. What a duh I’ve been!

I wish I can do more for those people in Pakistan. Meantime, I’ll send my prayers to them – for those who perished to be enlighten, and for those who survived, to have the strength to move on.

Nam myoho renge kyo.

Its amazing how couple of hours ago, I was so lowdown, feeling as though the world is crumbling upon me. And next moment, I see the world and the vast beauty it holds around me.

** A quiet smile forms.

I am disfunctional today.

(Now I can pen my inner thoughts for I have changed my weblink and I guess I am as annonymous as I can be)

101 things crossed my mind yesterday. And it dawned to me that there could be a twist, more than I have expected.

It just came to my mind that he may have heard something unsightly and cancelled his trip because of anger, dissapointment etc? Last thursday, we were still conversing normally.

Suddenly he is avoiding me completely. And the pang of pain felt is almost unbearable.

Unbearable not to know what the real reasons are.

Once of the rare occasions where I didn’t sleep a blink, was up and about by 7am. Chanted for an hour to calm my nerves. Yet, the wait is almost unbearable.

I can’t help but think that maybe someone split some bad milk on me.

I am so scared of the world now. It is so dark and unknown to me.

I am shaking all over inside me.

Tears are all clogged up, not a single drop is shedded.

I am torn all apart inside, pieces only held on by a weave of thin string.

** Pain in her eyes as she stares into emptiness.